User
by Tellmeimforgivenx
Summary: Kasuka's feelings for Shizuo were loving, but quite obsessive. Shizuo still let him love him. Might be OOC, but I hope you like it anyway.
1. Proposition

User

Kasuka sat upon a deep mauve couch with a plop, sighing as the miniscule action was performed. Exhausted from his lengthy day, he couldn't help but feel his eyelids weighing down, the heavy objects unable to remain open. Falling asleep, he dreamt something mad, but he was reluctant to wake up- ever. He was visualizing a certain blond haired male he knew. Shizuo Heiwajima was more than his brother, for he was also the other one's best friend. Kasuka had always held an irrational and unacceptable love for his elder brother. In fact, he'd probably be willing to do anything for his dear Shizuo-nii. Of course Kasuka loved his family, but it seemed his obsession with his brother went far deeper than familial adoration. He seemed caught up in caring for him much greater than he should have. Still, the raven wouldn't ever admit to that. Besides, it was a so called 'sin'. Kasuka didn't notice an immense issue, but he'd always been open minded about things of that nature. His boundary, however, was odd when he was the one expressing the certain feelings. Kasuka wouldn't have assumed he'd be the hopeless lover.

(In the dream)

"Shizuo, I… I wish that we could go back… I don't want it to be so hard." Kasuka whispered.

Shizuo turned over to face his younger kin. "But are you sure you'd really want to go back to what it was like?"

Kasuka just lied there for a while, pondering the proposed inquiry. After some time, he finally managed to speak. "I don't really know, Shizu-nii. I don't. I just know that I'm tired of _this_ being so wrong. It was easier when we…"

Shizuo cut him off, continuing the sentence as if it were spoken by a single being. "Were kids, when life was simpler and we were cleaner and more innocent."

"You took the words out of my mouth, brother." Kasuka replied, almost on cue.

Shizuo leaned in and whispered one more thing. "It doesn't even matter. We're already going to hell." He closed the meager distance between the two, allowing the chaste kiss to fade just as it'd sparked to life.

(End dream)

Kasuka jerked awake, sighing at the eruption of invoked thoughts and emotions the dream surfaced. He begged for a differing dream each time his orbs were covered. He didn't want to see the peck over and over again… It was terrible enough that he loved Shizuo so much. He didn't ask to have to trance about it every time he slept.

"I love you…" He sighed out.

Shizuo walked in with a usual scowl on his face, breathing out something about a "Damn flea…" , asking himself "Why?" continually.

"Shizuo, are you alright?" Kasuka asked quietly, internally begging for a calm answer.

Shizuo sighed loudly, taking a spot next to Kasuka on the small but puffy couch. "It's just that damn flea, Izaya. Every day… Every single day."

"Wha…?"

"I… I hate him, but I love him. I really just, I don't know…"

Kasuka's eyes lost their gleam almost instantly. He looked down, swallowed his hope, and quietly asked, "…Does he love you?"

"I wish, Kasu-chan."

Kasuka ceased once more, remaining silent for quite a while. After a few moments of noiseless sitting, he finally found the correct words to say under such… odd circumstances.

"Maybe we could make an agreement." He paused. "My body for your love…"

Shizuo gaped at the direct and utter strangeness of the sugguestion. "What do you mean?"

Kasuka began to smile, knowing Shizuo would only attempt to make his brother happy. "I'll let you do whatever you want to me. You don't even have to watch. You can pretend I'm Izaya, even. Just come to me… Say 'I love you' to me. I don't even care if you don't mean it at all as long as I can hear your voice. Please…"

Shizuo remained silent, unable to muster a reply. He was almost puzzled to an extent, not knowing what to think of the entire matter. A small and eager voice screeched in the back of his head, yelling at Shizuo to reply. He really did love Izaya, and Kasuka was willing to be his crazed raven. That was more than almost anyone had ever done for him. Shizuo didn't know how to say yes or no; his lips quivered to form around a coherent answer. It was a great bargain on his side, but he didn't plan to play with Kasuka's emotional tremors. Still, Shizuo nodded his head in an up and downward motion, signifying that he accepted the offer.

Their first evening together as more than brothers seemed so awkward, different. Both remained under the impressive knowledge that they were performing a wrongful act, but they still curiously continued.

Kasuka, always being more prepared than his counterpart, tied an ivory blindfold over the other boy's caramel eyes. He clumsily grappled Shizuo's freshly ironed jacket, latching his lips with the other set.

"Ngh…" Shizuo let the quiet sound escape the back of his throat as he gripped Kasuka as if his life depended upon it. Shizuo felt his way around Kasuka's body, not being capable of visualizing any of it due to the fabric knotted tightly over his brilliant orbs.

"Iza… ya." The blond whispered.

Kasuka continued kissing the other, but he felt the salt stinging his own eyes. He knew he was never going to be Izaya. Kasuka wasn't uneducated, and he was well aware that he couldn't be the other. Still, he could attempt. He _would_ try.

Parting for breath lasted only moments, for Shizuo only took a moment before delving back to find Kasuka's plump and blushing lips. When he found them, he was far from gentle, the male violently attacking the pinks.

"I'm going to take the blindfold off, now, Shizuo." Kasuka spoke very quietly, his voice almost matching a whispering tone and volume. Shizuo nodded, slightly leaning his head forward. As Kasuka untied it, Shizuo began tensing. He didn't want to see Kasuka's face when he opened his eyes. He wished to see Izaya's, but that was impossible. "Shizu-nii, you can open your eyes, now."

Finally, Shizuo's eyes began to slowly flutter open to be greeted with his brother's blood-shot ones.

"Kasuka, were you… crying?" Shizuo whimpered, trying not to sound too upset about it. He was only concerned about them because he never intended to discomfort his brother.


	2. The Next Night

The second night was no better than the first proved to be. Kasuka and Shizuo were still ignorant to one another, their likes and dislikes with connection. Still, Shizuo loved Kasuka no differently than he had two nights prior to the happening.

During their relations upon the fifth night, Shizuo almost moaned Kasuka's name instead of Izaya's, but he still managed to say Izaya's name within the coagulated reference. The combination occurred and ended almost as quickly as they had, the name lingering within the air as they lied on the same couch the proposition had been made on. "Kizaya" decided to express his true feelings for what they really were, the onyx-haired boy staring deeply at his elder brother as a manic thought reverberated through the stagnant air. "This may make you hate me, Shizu-nii, but I have to say it. One day, I'll steal your heart away from Izaya… I promise."

Shizuo didn't know if it was a joke, if Kasuka was just tired, or if he _was_ being honest.

Kasuka smiled brightly when he saw the contorted expression Shizuo held as he watched Kasuka. The younger was quite pleased at the reaction he received, even if it was nothing but shock and shame.

Kasuka's bangs were trimmed exactly like Izaya's. "I thought you'd like to feel Izaya's hair instead of mine."

His adorable expression radiated a sort of happiness, but he was constantly, internally spiraling as copious thoughts rummaged through reality and altered it. "Shizuo, I love you… I'll _be_ Izaya if it means you'll love me." His thought process paused for a moment allotting him a few moments to think of what to continue the statement with. "I'll love you when he doesn't. I promise I'll do it. One day, you'll love me just like I do you…"

That evening, Kasuka promised himself he'd never let Shizuo love Izaya more than him because he was _becoming_ Shizuo's precious and perfected Izaya.


	3. To Break

**Author's Note: Hi, everyone! I'm really sorry my updates are so short, but I'm completely unprepared for posting extra to these stories, for I'd typically write the entire thing before posting a part if I were writing it out of entire choice instead of request. I'm happy to say I believe there will only be one to three (Estimation) pieces left. These segments are differing in length, but I'm going to attempt to get them out as soon as possible. You guys love this story for some reason, so I might as well entertain. I hope you enjoy!3**

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><p>Kasuka's once-bright and beautiful, enthusiastic orbs were glazed over with such an obsession and uncanny adoration that they didn't even look human. The animalistic being becoming more and more just like the same creature he fell for. If you put Izaya and Kasuka side-by-side, it was becoming much more obvious that the latter was changing rapidly, morphing into the other. He had the haircut, the colour, and his entire demeanor was altering. The eyes Kasuka once wielded were completely covered with a milky fog that completely destroyed his previous… entirety. He was completely separate from what he had been just weeks before, but he was degenerating into the "flea" quicker than he could've even imaged himself.<p>

Tarnished by his desires, Shizuo seemed quite… disappointed at the outcome. He noted the depletion of his younger brother each time he saw the man, and he could honestly say he would visualize the other at least once a day. Shizuo couldn't seem to grasp the reality of the situation. Kasuka was literally disappearing in Izaya's shadow, but he was different because of one minority- Izaya _couldn't_ love him. It wasn't to create a sense of lingering sadness, but it was simply impossible, improbable that an emotionless and sadistic man could show care for anyone but himself.

It was the thirtieth night on the dot, Kasuka well-aware of how long he'd been putting on the Izaya charade. He felt he was getting quite good, actually.

"Shizu-chan~ I'm home." He yelled in an upbeat, nasally voice as he invited himself into the man's apartment. It was a special night for both men… Kasuka appeared as close to Izaya as he could ever, and his partner would likely ravage the newest prize. It was extremely comical; In the beginning, Shizuo was entirely unable to watch. He refused to take his blindfold off, no matter whether they were kissing or even just cuddling. He was attached to the object that shielded him from the sin, the tainted stain. He did whatever he could to simply block it out.

When Shizuo's caramels fell upon the upgrade of sorts, he was shocked at the least. He seemed to adore it, enjoy it in every way possible. He seemed to be ravished by the sight, Shizuo wishing to experience every bit of "Izaya". It only took four words- three to form a sentence and a last to trigger- for Kasuka to finally break.

"I love you… Izaya."


	4. Defeated Acceptance

Kasuka's eyes were unrealistic, the orbs a degenerate carmine colour. He refused to acknowledge Shizuo, his weakened heart palpitating at every glimpse of the blond. He knew it was risky; he put his heart on a thin line that was easily crossed, the string weak enough to snap with a touch. Still, he believed it would be completely worth it in the end. After all, he got his "Shizu-chan" and his brother was able to have Izaya. He didn't realize he'd go so far into character, but he wasn't afraid. With each meeting, Shizuo's slight mistakes of almost calling him Kasuka were diminishing. The caramel-orbed male was becoming accustomed to the "Izaya" he had acquired. He breathed out, the air in his lungs long-expired. His eyes watered, but he refused to whine or sob. He'd begged for the proposition to be accepted, hoped for his dearest brother to agree to the sinful connection. Honestly, his surprise was far more prominent than the actual idea. His pulse quickened as he recalled the poisoned memory of the first night. He still acted, looked, and felt like Heiwajima Kasuka. Afterward, he'd quickly lost the feeling, numbness replacing his old being with a creature he was unfamiliar with.

The stalking wasn't as difficult as he'd once believed, Izaya being quite open about what he did most times. He was quite easy to copy, simple to replace. A carbon-duplicate, Kasuka wasn't who he'd been in the entirety of his past living. He was Izaya, but he had something that the other didn't. He could express feelings properly. He wasn't afraid to show his elder kin how he really felt… He never realized how immense the pain would be upon being once-again informed that he wasn't the boy's real adoration.

Kasuka's eyes weren't fearful of staring at the other, searching for something that could've been described as guilt, mercy. He couldn't see any, but he felt almost as if the other was slightly remorseful that he couldn't love him the same. Still, the raven did decide to bargain his existence for his brother's happiness. He wasn't prepared to take that away from the other… He couldn't; he refused. His ears perked up at the statement, but the recognition was for all the wrong reasons. He hated to hear the other name coming out of his brother's mouth in such silky pertinence. It caused him to cringe, shudder inside. He couldn't stand that he wasn't Izaya, nor would he ever be. He was sickened by the reference. He was Kasuka, but he couldn't do a thing about the man.

His intentions were clear, but he couldn't help but wish for them to be fogged, different… anything.

Shizuo hadn't noticed the elongated silence from the other, and he couldn't dream of the things racing throughout his brother's head. Perhaps he didn't want to know what he'd been thinking of. Either way, he was concerned about "Izaya's" noiselessness. He allowed the caramel of his eyes to seep out, engulfing the other boy.

"Iza…ya?" He whispered, but the name was cacophony in Kasuka's ears. He couldn't handle it, but he knew he had to. His eyes would've said all, but he was looking somewhere in the distance. The reds within the contact lenses he'd been wearing seemed to fade right into his own coloured irises. Like clockwork, the nauseated feelings he was experiencing dissipated. He allowed himself to look at his partner afterward, his expression completely different from what it had been.

He smiled a flea-like leer, a reply calmly reverberating off his mouth and entering the stagnant air. "Yes, Shizu-chan?"

He'd remain faithful to his word, no matter how much it harmed him. Besides, it had been his idea all along… "Shizu-chan" would get his "Izaya", even if it meant Kasuka's succumb and atrophying into nothing but a seamless and fluctuating shell of warped perfection.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Wow, everyone! It's over. User is complete, and I'd say it's quite an upsetting ending. Still, I finished it for you, so I hope you guys all love it. Thanks for reading and remaining faithful to the story! <strong>


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